Rory and Tristan 4EVAH!
by Noche Buena
Summary: A parody of some of of the Trory fanfics here on ff.net. This is all in good fun- so don't be offended if you see a plot developement ironically like yours. That's the point.
1. Kissy Kissy Bye Bye

I luv U mah Sweethaht

By: Nellie  
Genre: Humour, making fun of some of the fics on Fanfiction.net. All in good sportsmanship, of course.  
Summary: Rory goes to Harvard, meets Tristan (gasp! I had no idea *that* was going to happen!) and gets pregnant all at the *same time*!  
Rating: PG-preteen  
  
  
  
  
  
'hello Mary,' Tristinn Dugreigh whispered huskily into the ear of his arch-nemesis. "guess where Im going to college"

Rory Gilmore sat in her english class at chilton. She chewed on her pencil tip thoughtfully before answering. "clown school?"

(an: YO YO YO! WAZZUP, peeps! like, i totally went to the mall yesterday and like i bought all this stuff and i listened to mandy moore and britney spears and i like so needed to write a fanfic to express my *deep thoughts*. wasnt that funny? i thought it was very funny.)

tristin shook his head. 'no silly mary im going to harvard like you are!'

Rory shook her head in disbelief. "no you are not tristin because im going there first!"

tristin thought she was so beautiful when she was angry. her hair was piled up on her head and she wears a tiara on her head and she wore a short leather miniskirt and a fuzzy red sweater that enlarged her large breasts. chilton had changed its dress code since the last week we saw them being cute on the WB.

'you are so sexy rory gilmore' he thought to himself. because he cant think to the fishies. (an: ha! ha! that was a jok-ayy! duhhhh you guyz r stoopid)

rory sat up strait in her chair and tristin watched her legs. 'sexy legs' he thought to himself agian. (an: ha! HA! get it? get it?)

suddenly, Mr. Max Medina came stumbling into the classroom with his hair in disarray. 'hello class! today we will learn about the heroes in your life i want you to write a one page essay on you hero'

'cool!' paris shouted loudly from the back of the class.

'yes it is ivery cool' muttered madeline under her powty lips

'rory r u gonna rite about me' tristin asked the beutiful girl he loved with all his soul and all his heart.

'no you are stoopid tristin i will never rite about you but i am going to send this essay into harvard to show how good i am at riting' she declared.

'you red my mind rory i will do that also' he said.

'no you cannot i have to show them how gooid I AM not you you have money and i am poor and cannot get get get into harvard' (an: i cried when i rote this part becos its touching)

'i can give you money rory just give me what i want'

'what do you want' rory asked innocently with wide wide beautiful blue blue brilliant shiney sparkley gorgeous glittery blue eyes. (an: wasnt that pretty and descriptive my 7th grade teacher says im good at this stuf haha cute)

'you now what i want' he whispered huskily again 'give it to me babee give it'

'no i will not give u my pencil'

'i can get your pencil anytime baby'

rory slapped him with a soft and lemony creamy hand. 'not my glitter purple pencil that lane gave me for my 2nd birthday its our secret super special best frieend simbul that we are freinds 4 evah'

tristan almost moned at the sensation........ her hand was so sexy.., and it was so cute that she has a best friend

'if you too are done talking i would like to talk about heros' mr medina screamed.

rory bounced up and down on her chair excitedly.

tristan stared at her

sexy, he thought to himself. (HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!! this is geting steemy betterget t he littlen kiddies out of da room)

'but we are going to harvard mr medina we do not need to listen to you' tristan shouted loudly and pushed the teacher off his desk

the entire class cried out in dismay 'oh no!'

mr medina shot back up, blood pouring profusely out of his left eyebrow and his left lip split open. rory never knew that tristan was so muscular.

'u two are both expelled from Chilton Academy'

'no' rory gasped, starting to cry

'i shall comfort you' tristan shouted loudly, leaping over several rows of desks to bring her to his fiiiiiiiiiiine chest

she cried into his sweater and was surprised to find he was wearing leather pants

'what are we going to do tristin my mom will kill me'

'we are still going to harvard we will go together'

'okay' she said brightly 'that sounds like fun'

-----------

OKAY YO PEEPSIES! NO MORE STORY UNTIL I GET 2000000000 reviews! mwahahah i am evil! evil evil evil evil!  
  
  


(Author's author's note: Remember, you guys. I'm actually a sophomore in high school and I was just having a little bit of fun with this piece. Don't take it into offense if one of your stories happens to be like this. You're all *very* talented writers. Okay, maybe not all of you. I'm definitely not, which is why I'm writing this sort of crappy humor fic. If you guys want to write *me* an essay about how I'm you're hero.... *grins* Go ahead and do it.)


	2. My Lovey Dovey

  
---------  
(And I continue some more, just 'cos this is way too fun to write. Gotta love the chick who said this fic sucked. Tell it like it is, sistah! This is what happens when you get a slightly mediocre beta reader that doesn't watch Gilmore Girls. Or doesn't actually go outside of their home. In fact, this beta reader happens to be in federal custody and is currently being guarded by several prison men who ironically do not watch Gilmore Girls, either. This was hell to write this, by the way. I had to go to a Backstreet Boys Lyric site, but I assure you I shaded my eyes as I did so, and may have cracked my speakers as an obnoxiously loud midi came on the bright pink screen with aqua and yellow writing.)  
------  
  
Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own sexy Tristin. (Nellie's note: Haha! That's because I do, you idiot Ashley Bubbley Cuteness Sugary Angel Cutie Pie. )  
  
Rory was convulsing. "My heart huts tristin!" she yelled loudly as mr.medina kicked sorry asshes out of room 213220 where mr medina and the rest of the class were in shock even though Mr. Medina had kicked them out and so he shouldn't be in shock because he sent them out. (AN: duh~*~*~)  
  
"Oh my love it is all right! We will run away together and make a living of love and a petting zoo,"

Rory snapped her head up suddenly. Her eyes were sparkley. "You think I'm ur love? Oh, I haven't been very nice to you this past two seasons but I would just like to say that I luv you too now. I just decided that because my heart is is twanging like a country banjo. Oh! This reminds me of a song I really really like. I would like to sing it to you now."

They looked deeply into each others eyes. Deep. Deepply.  
  
"Sing it, baby, sing it!" he whispered. Huskily.  
  
"On a lonely highway stuck out in the rain  
Darlin' all I have to do, is speak your name  
The clouds roll back and the waters part  
The sun starts shinin' in my heart for you  
Your right there in everything I do..."

His heart swelled. His head was dizzzy. "Oh my love your voice is like honey! You are my honey!"

(An: isnt that so sweet? my beeta reader suggested it. Thank you lars!)

"Oh that is so sweet tristin!" she cried out delightedly.

Suddenly a voice came onto the loudspeaker.

"hello would tristan and rory please come down to the office the principal wants to talk to you about being kicked out"

"Okay!" Rory exclaimed. "C'mon Tristan let's go!"

to my bed she thought to herself. *giggles*

They came to the office. They opened the door. They walked inside. Their shoulders were slumped.  
  
(an: this is really sad. I don't want them to be expelled so i think I'm going to have them go to a big dance party.)  
  
"Ah, Mr. DuGrey and Miss. Gilmore. My two favorite troublemakers," boomed a large voice.

Rory was scared. Tristan held her hand. She smiled sweetly at him. "Lets go" he told her.

(an: I feel this is a good time for a Backstreet Boys song.)  
  
Open up your heart to me  
And say what's on your mind, oh yes  
I know that we have been through so much pain  
But I still need you in my life this time

And I need you tonight  
I need you right now  
I know deep within my heart  
It doesn't matter if it's wrong or right  
I really need you tonight

I figured out what to say to you  
But sometimes the words they, they come out so wrong, always they do  
And I know in time that you will understand  
That what we have is so right this time

And I need you tonight  
I need you right now  
I know deep within my heart  
It doesn't matter if it's wrong or right

All those endless times we tried to make it last forever more  
And baby I know  
I need you   
I know deep within my heart  
It doesn't matter if it's wrong or right  
I really need you, oh

I need you tonight (I need you, oh I need you baby)  
I need you right now (It's gotta be this, it's gotta be this)  
I know deep within my heart  
No, it doesn't matter if it's wrong or it's right  
All I know is baby  
I really need you tonight

Here we are  
In the arms of one another  
And we still go on searching for each other  
Knowing that hate is wrong  
And love is right  
For us tonight  
When I look into your Spanish eyes  
I know the reason why I am alive  
And the world is so beautiful tonight 

Chorus:   
It's a place I've never been  
And it comes from deep within  
And it's telling me  
That I'm about to win first prize   
Knowing all I have to do  
Is reach out my hand to you  
Anytime I want to look into your Spanish eyes

Let it be if we're nothing more than dreamers  
Who believe that we see no one between us  
How can they be in my heart  
And in my mind  
When all I can find  
When I look into your Spanish eyes  
I know the reason why I am alive  
And the world is so beautiful tonight

Chorus

I loved you from a distance  
Thought I couldn't reach that far  
I can't believe how close that we are  
When I look into your Spanish eyes  
I know the reason why I am alive  
And the world is so beautiful tonight

Baby it's the way you make me  
Kinda get me go crazy  
Never wanna stop  
It's gotta be you (uh huh, uh huh)

I can't control it anymore  
I've never felt like this before  
Mmm, you really make me lose my head  
My hungry heart must be fed (uh huh, uh huh)

Baby it's the way you make me  
Kinda get me go crazy   
Never wanna stop

Chorus:  
It's gotta be you (uh huh, uh huh)  
All the way  
It's gotta be you (uh huh, uh huh)  
Everyday  
I promise you I will be true, yeah  
It's only you

Now I know why I was born  
You feel my feelings one by one  
Can't see the world I'm walking through  
Cuz baby I see only you, oh yeah

Baby it's the way you make me  
Kinda get me go crazy  
Never wanna stop

Chorus

Baby it's the way you make me  
Kinda get me go crazy  
Never wanna stop

And you know  
I can't see the world I'm walking through  
Cuz of you, yeah...  
It's gotta be you, all the way  
All that I ever wanted  
It's gotta be you, I will be true, yeah  
It's only you

(AN: actually, i thought three would be better. there so sweet!)  
  
"Mr. Principal (author's note: I don't know his name)," Rory sighed exasperatededlyly.  
  
"I did not do anything wrong"

"That's right" tristan exclaimed! shaking his voluminous hair. "she is innocent like an angle!"

"I'm sure she is," Principal Man said dryly. Ly.

"But all she was doing is talk!"

"Ahhhhhhhhh. Ahhhhhh. Okay Rory you can stay in school now that Tristin told me the truth!!"

"Yay!" exclaimed Rory and dashed out of the office quickly, her hair swinging with quickly out behind her.

"Whaddabout me" Tristan chocked.  
  
"I don't know," he said dryly. "Community service, most likely."  
  
"But I do not like the dirt. The dirt is not my friend."  
  
(an: ha ha! that is funny!)

The school day ended, and Rory rushed to her locker very quickly, grabbing her books and flinging them into her bag disdained. "Stupid stupid Tristin! Why do I feel like this? Deep inside I know I feel so much! The shape of my heart is the shape of Tristin! Which would make my heart sexy! Oh, my love, why must I hurt you so? But no! I cannot love Tristin! Bad bad girl! Stop thinking about Tristin and his hot hair. Ooooh. His hair. Bad Rory!" she slapped herself. "Good Rory! Tristin is ugly and you so know that you don't think about his cute butt. What, his butt is not cute! I'm such a dork!" she tittered, speaking very loudly to herself. "Tristin is not sexy! You do not think he's sexy! In the bottom of my broken heart I know that he is not sexy! Or is he sexy!"  
  
"whose sexy" a sexy voice muttered lowly next to her. "me am i sexee?"

Rory kicked him in the 'nards. "I never think you are sexy! I love my boyfriend Dean because we are SOULMATES!"  
  
(an: Ew, yuckie! Dean and Rory together? Aww, do not worrie my cutie patootie reviewers! Dean and Rory will not be together!)  
  
"I cherish my boyfriend and will keep him in MY heart forever!" she screams extremely loudly, and was very happy thta she made it clear. 

Tristin was touched by her loyalty and did not, in any way or shape or form, think this was all so very clicheed. "I keep you in my heart every! Every day! Every night I think about you!"  
  
"ill bet u do u perv!" she screamed again!!!!! Her breasts jiggled plesently. omg she is so hott! tristan is thinking to himself.

Paris watched from a distance, lookign really ugly in a plaid dress with a menorah on it. Tristin doesnt think shes hot at all.

Rory flounced away, trying to ignore his sinister sexual vibes. her ass looks great in that short leather skirt tristin thinks to himself. yet she is so innocent and pure and like a beaitufl sparkley angel. i must run after her to her town of Stars hollow and beat up her boyfriend dean!  
  
----

OmG u GUyz isnt this great all this sexual tension! yEaH like CRUISIN WITH MAH BUDS ON SATURDAY NIGHT scopin for some hott-AYS! yo! I WONT CONTINUE UNLESS I GET A LOT A LOT A LOT of reviews. I no be jokin here yo! DO IT.

(This is Nellie speaking to you now, with a friendly reminder: this isn't a real story, thank God. Sorry this one wasn't as entertaining. It twasn't the lack of clichees, I can tell you that.)

  
  


  
  



	3. Mushu Beach Chong

  
  


  
  
------  
(And the saga continues.....)  


Rory sat on the big yellow bus (AN: because the little one is for the retards! *tee-hee*) on the way back to her house in Stars Hollow. In her hand she clutched tightly a big steaming mug of thermos coffee. She inhaled it and almost moaned. 'Ahhh coffee' she exclaimed.

Her backpack was very large. It sat next to her on the bus.

But instead of the coffee calming her troubled troubled nerve endings (AN: OOOH! I LERNED this in biology) she kept on thinking of tristin, the hot gorgeous guy from Chilton that she likes. She shook her head, trying to get rid of her naughty thoughts. Banging her head against the bus window loudly, she tried to smack him out of her head. she took a hammer out and was preparing to take her own life if she could not have this hottie. (an: I wrote this because of my sadness that justin timberlake sent the cops after me after i sent 2000 letters to his house with bitchneys pictures all cut up and stuck in ketchup. jeez, cant they take a joke? stupid cops! (YOU ARE MY LOVER JUSTIN AND BRITNEY DOES NOT DESERVE YOU! I LOVE YOU JUSTIN! I LOVE YOU! MARRY ME! MARRY ME! READ MY FANFICS AND REVIEW THEM AND THEN MARRY ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) um okay im good its just my personal life gets involved with my wonderful fanfics.)

she cried. it hurt. 'BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!' exclaimed loudly a voice behind her.

she whirled,,, around in her seat.

'oh my god tristin, no you didnt!' she yelled loudly. nobody on the bus noticed.

it was not tristin. it was dean. dean looked really ugly today and his hair was all gross and greeesy and flying all over hte place. rory winced. 'hello my boyfriend dean!'

'hello!' he said brightly. 'i came to hartford to come on the bus with you!'

'oh that is so sweet!' she exclaimed. 'how did you get here?'

'oh i walked because Stars Hallow is only five minutes away from Hartford remember?'  
"Duh!" she giggled, flipping her long brown hair over her shoulders.

"Oh so why did you say Tristin is that that stupid poo-poo-head that messes with you? The jerk!"

"Yes he is and Dean he is not so bad."

"You can not be serious Rory. He is bad. He is trouble."

"He's only misunderstood. Deep inside, Tristan is a wonderful loving person that cares for all living creatures and children and he also helps at the orphanage, donates to the AIDS society, does cancer research, and has found a cure for the common cold!"

"He is a bad man!" Dean retorted. "Hey Rory lets go to the beach!"

"Okay" she giggled. "But I'm not wearing a swimsuit."

**~~~***~*~* THE BEACH *~*~*~*~*~*~

They had just driven 2 minutes to the beach in Connecticut in midwinter to go swimmin' with da fishies. tristin doesn't think to da fishies! (a*n*: ha! that was funnny did you get it? it was funny. did you get it? did you? did you?)

Dean was going to puck. He felt sick. The car always made him a little queasy. Or it was maybe Rorys giggle princess perfume.

Rory whipped out her laptop and carried it over the steep rocks to the warm and sunny beach in Connecticut in midwinter. "Ahh" she said. "Perfect day for some reading online at fanfiction.net, especially in the Trory section...."

Dean took off his shirt

rory was blinded by the whiteness. "ah maybe you should put your shirt back on because you will get sunburnt!"

'you can rub Sunscreen on me Rory! That would be fun!"

She ignored him.

she was connected to the internet. 'you have mail' chirped the AOL man.  
  
"YES!" she yelled. 

dean was slowly dying in the seawater, having tried to eat some kelp.

'oh i wonder if its from tristin' she mussed.

oh! it was from tristin.

'whose that from?' demanded dean, laying down on the sand to look at teh pretty screen

'nobody' she shut it quickly. but then a beepy noise came.

STUDMAN234455143246882: Hello mary  
BlueEyedReader1345715143: Hello who is this  
STUDMAN234455143246882: I hatemy parents  
BlueEyedReader1345715143: Okey dokey  
STUDMAN234455143246882: You know me my love  
BlueEyedReader1345715143: Who are you  
STUDMAN234455143246882: A man who loves you with all the fondness in his heart  
BlueEyedReader1345715143: okay who is this your creeping me out and my boyfriend is going to die out in the seawater. brb! ;)

Rory dashed up from her seat in the sand, ran 200 feet to the ocean and plunged in. She grabbed his large and stinky foot and pulled it out from the large seamonkey attempting to chew off his hair.

"Dean are you ok?" Rory was shocked. Dean lay sputtering on the sand.

She had never seen him so- wet. And very white.   
  
"You have to give me mouth to mouth as I cannot breathe!" he chocked.

Rory winnced. She put her mouth to his cold clammy fishy lips and blowed.

And blowed some more. 

He smelled like pee. And gross cabbages. And instently she found herself wanting Tristin so badly. She ran back to her laptop.

STUDMAN: r u ok is ur boyfriend ok i hope- well, not i dont  
BlueEyedReader: oh hes fine i had to give him mouth to mouth and he might have to go to the doctor but i want to find out who YOU are. my name is Rory Gilmore, I live at 14 Chestnut Lane, Stars Hollow. my fone # is 665-4355 call me whenever u want. Also, my mom's name is Lorelai and she had sex with my english teacher several times.  
STUDMAN: ok sounds like fun but remember i love you

Rory was touched. She had never felt a connection like this before.

Maybe it was the T3 line connected from the laptop to the car to the cigarrette lighter that made her heart burn so fondly. she carefully picked dean up from the sand and helped him up. 

"Maybe we should go to a hospital," she suggested.

He looked really ugly.

~*~*~*~* HARTFORD HOSPITAL *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Is he ok?" Rory asked a nurse wearing a short white skirt.

"Yes he is fine your bf will be just grate," she replied, running away to go help a pregnant woman.

"Well Mary it looks as though were seeing a lot of eachother these days" a hot tone announced in her ear

---------------------------------------

  
WHOOP WHOOP! There ya go chillins.

Im gonna go see a Walk To Remember for th 345 time. MANDY IS SUCH A GOOD ACTRESS OMG.

REVIEW at least 34 itmes more k!

(Nellie's note: Oh, this one was boring. But it seems that the T/R fics are getting more and more horrible each and everyday. It's called a BETA READER, folks. Whooh... *wipes sweat off head* Sorry about that. It's my Paris side coming out. Anyway, my sister and I are writing yet another parody called "Detenshun," which is... Essentially, what you think it is.)

  
  



End file.
